The Beauty in Suffering

The Beauty in Suffering

Well, congrats, we made it through January, and I don’t know about you but what a long month for me. 

Such exciting times for my business. Launching “Nutritious Living with Kim” and finally being equipped to coach clients on nutrition formally and how to live consciously, love more, nurture themselves, sleep more, stress less, and sweat often has been the highlight. It’s been refreshing to focus on empowering things for others that have flowed over to my life in so many ways that are making a positive impact and, frankly, have been so much fun. You got to walk the walk if you’re going to talk the talk, right?

But there is this looming pain that is in the pit of my stomach every single day. Divorce is such a draining process and puts you on pause, which I suppose is what I needed at this point in my life. But it still sucks. It rears its ugly head at the most inopportune times, like at the Pool store when the manager assures me that he can fix my pool vacuum that is only six months old or replace it. You’re so grateful for his kindness that you fall apart in the store in front of everyone. Or when you pick your puppy up from knee surgery, and you suddenly feel like the post-op care instructions they give you are more overwhelming than any ICU patient you ever took care of, so you fall apart in the vet office and then find yourself at home like a puddle on the floor. 

It’s a feeling of being all alone on this journey of life. But the funny part is that I probably would’ve been alone doing all these same things in my past life anyway, so what’s the big deal? Put your big girl panties on, and get on with it! So, I do. 

I read somewhere that there is no grief like the grief of someone still alive. And certainly, without taking anything away from the suffering of death and dying, which is unimaginable in and of itself, I have to say it stopped me because I had never thought of it that way. I mean, I know that with any loss and suffering, we all go in and out of the stages of grief. But when someone is still here, it’s hard to understand why you have to lose that person who meant more to you than anything in your life. That person that you held up on a high pedestal and lived to make their life as wonderful as you could.  What is God doing, and why is he doing it? These thoughts come in and out of your mind, and you fight that with your faith, but the test is more challenging than anything you’ve ever faced. 

One of my favorite songs is “Better Days” by Dermot Kennedy, and I play it a lot these days. I’m here to tell you about the beauty of embracing your suffering because if you can find that, you are well on your way to better days. The truth is that so many beautiful things have happened, and you can’t deny that God plays a huge part in everything. From the smallest of things, like the kind manager at the pool store who hugs you and tells you it’s going to be okay and he’s sorry you’re going through this. To the friends and clients who have just come to be with you, not to tell you I told you so, but be with you, pray with you, and be genuinely sorry and sad with you. To the strangers who tell you that your story resonated with them so deeply, thank you for sharing it because they no longer feel alone in their journeys. 

There’s this verse in the bible in Psalm 40; 1-3 that reads in part: 

I waited patiently for the Lord.

He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire. 

He set my feet on a rock

And gave me a firm place to stand. 

He put a new song in my mouth, 

A hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear the Lord 

And put their trust in him. 

I love this verse as a reminder that you have to be patient and know that you must walk through this suffering but on the other side is a promise that will be fulfilled, and you are becoming stronger and more ready for that promise with each chapter that God has written for you. I logically realize he has my back, but the beautiful moments he has placed in my life that I have been aware enough even to recognize have been quite remarkable and brought me the sense of peace I needed when I felt like falling apart. 

Like the course, “Lost in the Middle,” that was set to begin at my church, and it has everything to do with where I am in my life at this very moment, so each week you are placed in a room where you hear from all the others who have had similar times in their lives such as yours, and a peace comes over you. Or the friend you run into in church who, upon hearing your story, immediately refers you to a book that was written about you and resonated with you on so many levels that you feel comforted each time you pick it up. Or, more deeply, a best friend whose sister inadvertently becomes part of your legal team, and they haven’t seen each other in 10 years, are reunited as a family. When you see and be a part of the beautiful moments coming in due part to your suffering, it makes it all worth it. 

I pray that if you are suffering, no matter the reason, you can find beauty in it. Lysa Terkeurst wrote it best in her book, “It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way” I know I must walk through God’s process before I see His fulfilled promise. 

May you have a blessed and beautiful February. 

Much Love xo

Kim