What a year! In December of last year, I was still trying to make sense of what was happening in my life, but also excited to discover what the future would hold for me. Looking back, I see a year full of pain, deception, faith, revelation, love, laughter, strength, endurance, opportunities, and friendships. As 2024 approaches, I’m looking ahead and hopeful that this year will hold the answers to the many prayers I have patiently waited to receive. I was once told that the only way out is through, and that can be an excruciatingly painful journey, but so worth it in the end. I have experienced God’s presence in my life, both carrying and walking beside me but always showing me the way. This was the year that I stayed the course through all that God had to show me.
And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20
Growing up, my friend groups were always small. As I moved through the ages, I went from a shy introvert to someone who found a funny, sarcastic voice that made people laugh, and with that came more confidence in who I was, and, as a result, more friendships. I loved and still love to make people laugh. I was never a girl’s girl growing up and much preferred hanging out with the guys, but I would forge some of the most meaningful girl friendships in college and into adulthood. Some of the toughest lessons that God has taught me over the course of my life would result from my inability to see through people’s motives with some of those friendships and then my inevitable ability to pick the most insecure men to share my life with. This combination of faults would prove detrimental to my life in so many ways through the years, but especially in the most recent ones, and in the end, neither those men nor those women truly deserved to have a seat at my table. Having two failed marriages at the hands of infidelity and not just with strangers, but with those who you would call “friends” can truly mess a girl up. Of course, in these situations, your first question after realizing the common denominator is you is to wonder, what is wrong with me? We’re all human, and one can’t help but wonder. But when you face infidelity and repeated infidelities, I can assure you it is not you who has the problem. I have had to lean on God for these answers over this past year, and boy, have I gotten them loud and clear. Discernment and guarding my heart are at the top of the long list of reasons. The revelation this year was that He has never failed me, but I have failed to trust His lead.
For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Proverbs 2:10
Before this year, If you looked at my life from the outside looking in, you would’ve thought that everything was close to perfect with my three handsome, successful sons, a business that I built and sold, and what appeared to be a wonderful husband. This past year, I came to realize the reality that I lacked was the one important thing I needed – someone who was at my level and wasn’t intimidated by my strength, independence, and success. Instead, it would seem that over the course of my life, I would somehow wind up with the insecure men. When this happens, you’re left with someone who is constantly seeking someone less than themselves to find their accolades and boost their ego. You will also find someone comfortable pretending to be something they are not. And when this is the scenario in your life, you work around it all, trying to be seen, valued, and appreciated for all you are, as if that even matters to them. But people like this only care about themselves. It doesn’t matter how much you do for or love them; It will never be enough. This year, I learned that I have been stuck in patterns where the men I loved and even married didn’t even see me. I have wasted so much time being strung along or accepting relationships that were never at the same commitment level nor even capable of being at such a level. Even when God would place things right in my path, I would push him away and say I know better than you. As this year unfolded, and those truths reared their ugly heads, I made the shift, and with that shift, this notion that I know what is best for me crumbled. I know now and fully that God has a plan for my life, and I’m embracing that plan. God is doing his work through me. I no longer think I know best and will follow His path. I trust He knows better than I.
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12
Regarding friendships, one might also look at my life and think, wow. And if you did, you would be right. Just wow! Despite those that only entered my life to deceive me, I have been beyond blessed with much more than one could ever ask for. I was honored this month to spend time with some of those beautiful souls. It was a fun time and one that we all needed to celebrate before this new year begins. It was a closure to what was and a celebration of what is yet to come. What’s pictured in this photo is the rock of women God built for me to stand on when I felt like the ground beneath me was sinking. They are from all walks of life. I had quite a few missing from this photo, including the one who captured it for me, but despite that, what a group. From the lifelong, never wavering to those who came in for a time, to those who are new to my life and walked in at the exact moment I needed them, and to the young ones growing up with me, hopefully learning from my lessons so as not to make their own. God brought them all into my life. We share in one essential thing: our love and support of one another. God has graced me with the ability to know and be a small part of their lives for as long or short as is necessary. He has blessed my life with them. As this year ends, this photo reflects the love I feel pushing me forward. This photo is what genuine women and genuine friendships are about. This photo is a reminder that there are amazing women who truly support one another and are not in it for their own selfish, self-serving needs. That was a reminder I needed more than anything this year and, as God would have it, He revealed it to me in each of these souls.
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up Ecclesiastes 4:10
So a year later, I’m looking back with so much peace in my heart. Once weighed down by the past, I’m now dancing with gratitude for the present. As I move into 2024 with God by my side, I have clarity about who I am, who I want to have as a part of my life, and the relationships that will steady my walk in this uncertain world we live in. I will continue on my writing journey as I walk through this next year, and I hope and pray that you will stay along for the ride. Together, we can be the rock for others to stand on to help them steady their lives. We are all part of His plan, and He places each of us in the lives of those who need us. If you are ever struggling, please know there is always a seat at my dining room table, where you will find an espresso martini, a few tears, maybe some sarcasm, and lots of Jesus. Together with faith and prayer, we can figure it all out. Please reach out if you ever need it. Until then, see you next year!
Much Love and Blessings,
Kim
xo
Lee Montecino says
Love you so much girl! I love reading your blogs, you are so inspiring. So happy to be in your life again, missed you my friend!
Nola Pilates says
Same and thank you so much for everything.
Charli Guest says
Kim I am so sorry to read this .
I also divorced after a long marriage to a man I dearly loved . Still do .
You will find a way to go on with life .
You have already found the strength thru Jesus .
Hang on to your faith . It will take you far .
All my best
Charli Guest
Nola Pilates says
He is my rock. Love you my girl. xo