Number One…

As a little girl, I just loved babies. I was an only child until about 14 when my sister was born, and I would also have an additional three step sisters. But I dreamed of having a big family for myself. The thought of a house full of chaos was exciting and fun to me. I would respond with the number five whenever someone asked me how many children I wanted. My parents divorced when I was about 11 years old, and I remember thinking to myself, I never want to put my children through that. It was one of those convictions that comes from your own life experiences. I accepted Jesus Christ into my life at ten years old, and likely because the Holy Spirit was living inside of me, it resulted from how I saw the world in my life, or perhaps I was just an innocent child of God seeing life as it should be—Either way I was on a course of wanting to be married and have a big family. 

” Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. “ Psalm 127:3 

My first husband and I would meet when I was 18. We would date through college and then marry at the very young age of 22. It’s so young, but back then, at that age, we both had careers, bought a home, and had our first new car. The baby would come a couple of years later. I was 24 when I had my first son. I was living my dream life. This child, Tyler Donavin Robert Burke, is my number one son, and he was the beginning of God’s purpose in my life. Until his birth, I dreamed of him and couldn’t wait to be a mom. I would have a challenging pregnancy with lots of illness along the way and bed rest in the last months. I found out I was pregnant the morning I was graduating from nursing school, and then three days after delivery, I would have to sit for days in the Superdome for my nursing boards, episiotomy and all. Shortly after, I would begin my career in the ICU at the hospital, with all the morning sickness and fatigue that would come with my pregnancy. I was insane or naïve or a little of both. Based on my history, I would say that I never have nor will do anything the easy way. Regardless, he was in my life, and little did I know he would be my reason for carrying on in so many ways as time would go on. By the time he was 3, my marriage would be in a spiral downhill despite my relentless attempts to keep it all together. So, it would end after six and a half years. What was happening in my life would blindside me so much that I would fall into a deep depression, reaching a point where I couldn’t even get out of bed. But this little boy would not stand for that, and he was in my face, wiping my tears and grabbing my hand to get out of bed and see whatever fantastic discovery he had to show me. He would see my expressions and know immediately without me saying a word that I was having a hard time. He would grab my cheeks in his little hands and advise, “Just throw it up to God, He’s got this” I would smile and feel immediately at peace, the peace God sends us if we listen and open our hearts to it.   

”Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.“ Isaiah 26:4 

Over the years, watching him grow into the man he has become has been the thrill of my life, and I’m so glad I didn’t give up on that life when I thought it was over for me. I can not imagine not being here for every step he has taken, and to watch him become the person he is today has been an absolute honor. He is all parts of his father, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers, and has sprinkles of his Step-father as well. There is a glimmer of me in him. I must admit he can have some of the worst parts of me, the parts of me I have grown into over the years and learned from with wisdom and life experiences. I spend most of my days trying to teach him to let go of those parts and to rely on God for his worries and concerns, not his own doing. But the parts of him that are everything else are pretty incredible. He is the kindest, gentlest person who, especially this past few years, stepped into a role with his brothers that makes me incredibly proud. He turned 32 today, and I cannot comprehend that I have a 32-year-old son, yet here we are. 

”Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children, to another generation.“ Joel 1:3 

Tyler, I need you to know that you are everything and more than what I ever dreamed you could be. Those dreams never measured success in your job or how much money you would make, but they measured who you would be as a person and a human in this world. My son, you have far exceeded my expectations regarding your kindness, empathy, caring, and overall convictions in life. As you know, a few weeks before your birth we would lose your great grandfather and the parts of him that run deep in you are no mistake. His love for the outdoors and hunting for one. This photo is the essence of who you are and I could not be happier that you have also found your person who loves you for who you are and what you love in your life. I could not be prouder of you and pray that you continue to stay the course in this life God has blessed you with for as long as He needs you to be here on this earth. Don’t waste one day of the impact you can have on other’s lives. Your life’s purpose is bigger than you. I love you, and Happy Birthday! 

”Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.“ Proverbs 23:25 

God put this child in my world to teach me so much; he certainly has and still does. I pray I have taught him well. Having children in your life, whether they are your own, blesses you in one form or fashion. Please know that God has placed them there, and they have a purpose in your life as well as you in theirs. Don’t take one second for granted; know that you will only remain in their life for as long as God determines you need to be. It is a gift the likes of no other gift you will receive. Spending 32 years and counting with this child has been a blessing, and I have gained profound insights about life that I wouldn’t have been able to feel or learn without him.

”Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.“ 1 John 4:4 

For my readers, I pray your year has gotten off to a great start and if you are ever in need or struggling to make sense of your life, please know there is always a seat at my dining room table, where you will find an espresso martini, a few tears, maybe some sarcasm, and lots of Jesus. Together with faith and prayer, we can figure it all out. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need it. Until then, see you next month.

Much Love and Blessings

Kim