Friendships have always been an essential part of my life. We describe a friend as someone who knows and has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of our family. I have been blessed to have many friends from all walks of life, both men and women. I have done my best to keep those relationships alive and well. That doesn’t always look the same for each one, as they are all unique and have served a purpose in my life. On most days, I don’t feel worthy. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve such beautiful people in my life, even the ones who were here for only a short time. But I know there are no mistakes as you progress in your life with friendships. For each person handed to you, God has meticulously placed them there for one of three reasons: when you need them, when they need you, or when you need each other. It’s actually quite extraordinary when you look back at your life and see that story play out in reverse. There is always a reason, a blessing, or a lesson. You can’t do it without friendships. That means you have to be vulnerable, and you have to trust, be truthful, and put in the work to keep those friendships alive. When we are young, we don’t realize that some friendships have expiration dates. As we age and go through the trials of life, we learn they do. We understand that life happens, and sometimes everyone moves in a different direction. People change. It can be heartbreaking, and there can be no answers why that friendship didn’t last the test of time. But then we have those friendships that can be gone for a season or two or three, and when you see them, you pick up exactly where you left off. Those are indeed the best. It’s like you never skipped a beat, and even though life was happening, you still have an indescribable connection. Then some come into your life and stand by your side through everything; they are your rocks. I have had some spectacular rocks in my life. That’s the beauty of God’s handiwork. These friendships have been a big part of my journey during my lifetime, during this transition, and now into this new chapter.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17
But what about friendships that move into close relationships because of the undeniable chemistry present? It can get confusing because you have an affection for your friend, but you also want to explore the other side of that, the deeper connection. As you date whether it be a friend or someone you just met just remember before you get carried away, when the chemistry is so strong that you lose your mind and throw all your standards and boundaries out the window, you’re headed into a storm of unmet needs, insecurity, and self-neglect. Trust me, I know. These can be called situation-ships and must be avoided at all costs. At the beginning and early stages of dating, it’s uncertain, making it both thrilling and terrifying. But then there’s the propensity to turn into a situation-ship quickly. We could define that as one person wanting more but is too afraid to ask for it and doesn’t have boundaries, and the other doesn’t want more. This can become unhealthy, and the only way out is to become the one who no longer engages. With that decision, you become the person who is a communicator of the truth, feelings, and boundaries. You become the person in charge of your life. And when you include God in that equation, you realize that no amount of connection or fear of being alone is worth the anxiety guaranteed if you remain in the grey area; tolerating what you know deep down isn’t enough for you.
Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:4
So here I come…Single life. But how scary is that? Becoming single after being with one person for twenty-four years and discovering who you are at the same time is so scary. But it can also be fun. You don’t have to worry about being anything or anyone except who you want to be. However, when you’ve lived a good portion of your life in a toxic relationship, you have to unlearn patterns of behavior that you once used as your coping mechanism to survive your circumstances. If you don’t, you may quickly find yourself in a place where toxic behavior is okay again because it’s what you’ve grown accustomed to; it feels normal and can be so comfortable that you are actually drawn to it. I have always had an empathetic personality. That means I want to make everyone’s life better, more accessible, more of whatever they want their life to be. That is not a bad quality, but it gets tricky when you repeatedly sacrifice your needs for someone else’s. Especially if you wind up with someone who is selfish and lacks empathy. I am no longer that person. I know what my deal breakers are; if I forget, I have a tribe of friends and family who will remind me. Because in a healthy relationship, you don’t have to sacrifice your happiness for others, and boundaries along with communication are necessary to keep things healthy. So in this next chapter of my life, the Single Chapter, I will trust God to light the way for me; I will trust him to send me exactly what I need when I need it and whom I need when I need them. I will listen to him carefully. I’ve always done this in other parts of my life with friendships, work, and my children, but I thought I knew better in my other relationships. The fun of it all is wondering, will it be a friend, a stranger that crosses my path, or someone I’m introduced to, or will it be anyone? I mean, being alone is sometimes what we need most, and maybe in this next chapter, I will be alone for another purpose God has planned for me. Whatever it is, there is definitely excitement in the air, and I can’t wait to find out what’s next. I will, above all, put my faith at the top of the list.
In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. Psalms 25:1
So here I am, armed with the love of God and ready to enter this next chapter. The Single Chapter. I will remain true to my faith, needs, and boundaries. I will love and treasure my friendships. I will be hopeful about my future relationships no matter where or how they begin. Regarding situation-ships, I will be in charge of my life and never fail to communicate my truth, feelings, and boundaries so that I never find myself in the grey area again. If I find myself alone, I will know that there is also a higher purpose for that time in my life. I hope you, too, will know your value and purpose, whether in your friendships, situation-ships, or relationships.
I’m unapologetically exploring relationships in this new Single Chapter of my life and having some fun. That’s what life is all about. I hope you will join me, without fear, if you are in a similar situation. And if nothing else, we will have some great and possibly not-so-great stories to share. Either way, it will all have a purpose in our life.
Remember, it is the Ships of our life that help to get us into the port that God is steering us to; whether the waters are rough or smooth, it is our responsibility to have faith in the navigation system in place and know that we will arrive safely if we go with the flow.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. Jeremiah 17:7
Remember, I’m always here for you, and there is a seat at my dining room table waiting with an espresso martini, a few tears, maybe some sarcasm, and lots of Jesus, and together with some prayers, we can figure it all out. I hope you won’t hesitate to reach out when you need to. Until then, see you next month.
Much Love and Blessings,
Kim
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