The Gift of Growing Old

The Gift of Growing Old

A little over a year ago, after my life turned upside down, it was Thanksgiving, and I traveled to Destin to see my father and tell him my marriage was over. I remember this moment as if it were yesterday. I was hyper-sensitive to life and its uncertainty. I remember looking up at my father as I told him what was happening in my family’s lives and seeing not the young, vibrant person I had grown so accustomed to, but a father who was aging. It was a moment of clarity and distinction between all the other times we had spent together. He is still the life of the party and is fondly referred to as the Mayor of Sandestin. He has more fans than any celebrity ever dreamed of having. It was just a moment when I realized he was not going to be with me forever. I instantly felt this peace with my situation that had otherwise felt so out of control. It was a tap on my shoulder from God saying I removed something from your life so you could see the more important things in front of you. Suddenly, the gift of time with my father was the beautiful part of my painful situation. 

In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. Psalms 25:1

Before this, I had been so consumed with someone else’s happiness and life that I had sometimes forgotten my and my family’s needs. Living with someone whose love and affection are based on what you can do or who you are for them can be exhausting, and you are left with no other option but to put others in line behind that person. I foolishly made these sacrifices and asked my family to do the same, hoping that if I created a life centered on this person, they would ultimately be happy with themselves and me. The irony is that you can never make that person happy because it’s a hole deep inside their soul that they are trying to fill with anything and everything, and you are only “one” thing. They will never be happy because it’s impossible to ever fill that space inside them. They will, however, continue to seek the next person and the next thing and the next new shiny life, never finding true fulfillment. You do not have any control or effect on that.

I know from my personal journey that the only honest answer to that is God; without him in your life at the center of everything you do, you can never feel whole. I’m so grateful that I have always had faith as a part of my life. As I have grown into that faith and it has become front and center, God has become my daily priority, filling me with his word and giving me hope in even the most challenging circumstances, and I am so grateful for that. 

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalms 91:2

As the year went on, I felt like there was all this missed time with my father. And I had similar moments in which I felt the same about my mother, step-father, and my other close family members. These people were in my life, of course, but I wasn’t attentive to them or their needs because I was exhausted by the challenges I had in my relationship. If we were together as a family, I was, by my doing, trying to ensure that all was good and comfortable for everyone, mainly because, in my head, I had to make sure everyone thought or knew that everything was good in my life for fears that they would see the truth. Hiding behind a facade is exhausting. What’s even more exhausting is not realizing that you are doing so. As I’ve been catching my breath this year and looking up, I’ve discovered that all this time had passed and how much I missed because I just wasn’t present. But this was a gift from God. This new found awareness and need for me to be present in my life. A gift that was painful but so needed. From all those moments forward, I’ve been so grateful for my time with everyone and it is so precious to me now.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be afraid. John14:27

This month, I would get a call that none of us want to receive. This call would be regarding my father and an accident in which he would need emergency care and, of course, recovery support as well. And while 2023 has been a year for me, I’m his main squeeze, so there is no decision to be made but to get there as fast as I could and be there for him. Anyone with aging parents can certainly relate to all the emotions you go through as your role changes with them. It’s not a natural role to suddenly be the caregiver of those who have spent their lives caring for you. It can feel weird and strange even if you were a nurse in a previous life. But it will happen for all of us at some point or another if we’re lucky. I say lucky, because I feel blessed to have this time with my father, and while it would be nice to be under different circumstances, I’ll take whatever God will give me. I know that God sometimes has to put us on pause to move us to where we need to be in order to receive his gifts. Once I was there and we got past the first chaotic few days, I experienced God’s hand in my and my father’s life in the most beautiful ways. I wasn’t joking when I said he’s the Mayor of Sandestin. When I tell you that everyone loves him, I mean it. But the more critical people I want to note, are those who entered my life in this moment and time, and I swear they had actual halos over their heads, from the Maintenance Director, whose office, by fate is outside my father’s condo, to the hospitality worker who has become friends with my father, helping him organize his condo. These beautiful souls stepped into our lives in ways that were like family and continue to care for my father as if he were their own. I could not have gotten through this without them, nor could he. 

For he will command his angels concerning you in all your ways; Psalms 91:11

Someone once said that we all get to be young, but only some of us grow old. I think about that a lot these days. What are we all doing with our spare time that has been graciously given to us? Are we using our journey wisely? Are we discovering where our path is leading us? Are we changing course when necessary? Who are we helping along the way? What are we doing with this gift of aging?

They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green, Psalms 92:14

My father is a writer and spends every morning on the pier in Sandestin Bay, where he meets and greets everyone who comes that way. Some stop to chat, and others pass by, but he leaves his impression. While I was packing to go home after spending those few days with him, I had his phone in my hand, and a text came across from an unknown number. And it read,

“Good morning! I think it is cloudy in Sandestin this morning, so I’m unsure if you are on the dock where I met you. I just finished your book on success, and I believe it will guide me as I navigate this new life after my husband’s injury. I believe meeting you that morning was a blessing. Thank you for talking to me. It helps me see that there are still good people in this world. And thank you for the espresso! Enjoy your day. D.C.” 

I had to stop and thank God for this peek into how my father still serves his purpose, even in the fourth quarter of his life. He continues to use his time in ways that affect other people’s lives, and for that, it will always honor me to be his daughter. But mostly, I will cherish the time I get to grow old with him. He truly is a unique soul.

Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children. Proverbs 17:6

Aging is not an option, but it is a gift, and I pray that we all get to see more of it together. I pray that when given the opportunity, we all cherish it with all we have to offer. I pray you will see the extraordinary, aging souls in your life, even the one you look at in the mirror each morning.

Please know that I will be here as long as God will have me, and you, my friends, are always welcome to the empty seat at my dining room table, where you will find an espresso martini, a few tears, maybe some sarcasm, and lots of Jesus. I know that together with some prayers, we can figure it all out.

Please reach out if ever there is a need. Until then, see you next month. 

Much Love and Blessings

Kim